OK, so this is awkward. I just found out my imaginary Canadian girlfriend is having an affair with my inner child. It’s just wrong on so many levels.  I knew they had been spending a lot to time together but I just never though they would betray me like this.  I should have known something was up when both of them told me they were going out of town at the same time. My girlfriend was going to visit her mom and my inner child was off to his twentieth high school reunion.

I guess I was in denial because I never got an invitation to the reunion. I just figured mine got lost in the mail. He was always much more popular than I was, so there was always the chance they didn’t want me coming anyway.  Then I remembered that my girl was an orphan and when I asked her about it she said I was just being silly.

Well she called me last night, drunk as usually, to say she missed me. She wasn’t alone.  I know it was my inner child’s voice I heard calling for her to come back in the hot tub. She said it was just the TV in the background, but if it was the TV why did she keep saying, “be quite, he can hear you”?

I guess there isn’t anything I can do about my inner child. To be fair, I really can’t blame him I guess. Angelina is a contortionist rhythmic gymnastic ballerina after all. What man can say no to that.  That said, we are so done, as soon as she gets back I’m call I.N.S. on her and getting her ass kicked back to Manitoba.  To hell with her, I say. She can go back to bottling maple syrup for all I care.

Maybe I should look into getting me one of those really hot imaginary Russian women. Or someone from England, I do love the British accent.