I had a dream last week I was having coffee with a giant penguin. He was telling me he was going to move to New York and become a star on Broadway. I pointed out, that even though I had never been to a Broadway show, I was pretty sure none of them had giant penguins in them. He in turn pointed out that that was species profiling on the casting directors part. It was his intention to land the lead role in Jesus Christ Superstar. I’m unclear if he was trying out for the part of Jesus or Judas, but he is a classically trained Shakespearean actor and I have every confidence in his ability to pull the part off.

He went on to tell me that his family had raised some concerns with his plans to head to the Big Apple. It seems some years back his sisters cousins niece, a ravishing little Holstein hottie from Wisconsin had become a thespian much to the family’s dismay. She moved to New York and landed a part in an off Broadway revival of Oh Calcutta. The family was mortified when they learned she was showing her teats twice daily and three times on Saturday to anyone who bought a ticket. As the years went by she had to have silicone udder implants just to keep up with the younger girls coming into the industry. She later left New York for L.A. when she made a killing in the early days of the Internet with her porn on demand site, digitaludder.com. She now lives in Palm Springs with a Latino pool boy 20 years her junior.  To this day she is considered the black sheep of the family, much to the dismay of the actually black sheep of the family.

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I didn’t think Jesus Christ Superstar was playing on Broadway anymore. I did encourage him to look into becoming Tom Wopat’s understudy for Chicago and to not let his pride get in the way and to audition for the Lion King.